How I "backed in" to Jesus

You'll also learn that:

1. You don't have to be perfect already to come to Christ. I sure wasn't! (And still aren't!)
2. You can get saved *anywhere*! Even while driving in your car.
3. You don't have to have a "bells ringing, lights flashing" experience to become a believer. Mine was very subdued.

I was born in Manchester, TN in 1962 because there was no hospital in Tullahoma yet. Tullahoma is in southern middle Tennessee, right next door to the Jack Daniel's whiskey makin' town of Lynchburg (pop. 101). I was an only child to a Homemaker and an Electrical Engineer. Mom and Dad attended the Methodist and Christian Churches of Southern Illinois during their childhood, but by the time I rolled around, they sporadically visited the Trinity Lutheran Church in Tullahoma. I was baptized in the Lutheran Church when I was around 6 weeks old, and did not darken a church door basically for the next 25 years.

I had a baby sitter that I started going to when I was 2 weeks old. Cora Waye -- or "Waye-Waye" as I called her -- was the lady that kept me and some other children. She had this picture of Jesus on the wall in her house, and I always thought He had pretty blue eyes like mine! At one time, Waye-Waye gave me a small white New Testament. I don't remember if I looked at it or not, and I lost track of her when I was about 10 years old when my parents were divorced and Mom and I were off to the big city of Nashville.

1972: Music City USA was where Mom chose to raise her daughter, mainly because of job opportunities for her and the suburb of Bellevue had some excellent schools for me. I was a typical junior high and high school student, complete with zits, crushes on History teachers, and a best friend named Liz. Liz went to the Holy Land of Israel with her father and brothers one year in high school. I had always wanted to go, to see the place of such religiousness, maybe, just maybe to find out more about God, since I did believe in Him. But this Jesus guy was just a mystery to me. Too much to fathom. Even at the Young Life Christian gatherings for young people, when we'd pray in Jesus' name, I'd just go along with it, peeking from time to time at the guy I liked, hoping he wanted to do something after the meeting.

Fast forward to college - 1980. My Dad was responsible as decreed in the divorce papers to pay for my room, board and tuition. The University of Tennessee at Knoxville (Go Vols!) was the state school, and I was going to be an Engineer just like Dad. Two years into college, in 1982, I asked Dad for more money than what he was giving me, and being in financial tough times, he refused, so Mom and I took him to court to get him to pay. He lost, and from that moment on, for the next 13 years until he died, he did not speak to me - true to his warning to me before the trial.

I had really not had a father figure for most of my life, anyway, for Dad didn't know how to handle life except how his Dad had handled it: with alcohol. Back while I was still a teen, I used to think it was hilarious when Dad would pick me up in Nashville to visit him for the weekend in Tullahoma, and along the two hour drive, Dad would chug a couple of beers, cleverly covered by a red and white plastic wrap kinda thingy that said, "Caca-Cala." This was supposedly to fool the cops into thinking he was only drinking a soft drink. Anyway, for most all my life Dad wasn't a strong role model or father figure for me, especially after he chose to write me out of his life!

So, if you've read this far, you're thinking - OK, Julie, get to the New Orleans part. Well, I was in the UT band, and the pep band was getting ready to play at the UT/LSU basketball game in Baton Rouge in Winter 1982. I couldn't go, (because I played piccolo, and at that time woodwinds did not go on pep band outings) and I told my boyfriend to pick me up something while they were staying over in New Orleans. While in the French Quarter, he picked me up a t-shirt with one of my favorite sayings on it. It was covered with expressions using the F-word, and when he gave it to me, I thought it was just great. I was 'respectable' enough to not wear it in public, but I did wear it sometimes when I was with him. On the worldly scale from 1 to 10, I was at least an 8 or 9. I cussed, drank, partied a lot, and just basically fit in with the typical "MTV" rowdy college crowd.

While in college, I drank pretty heavily, mirroring the footsteps of my father (and my fellow college mates as well). A group of folks in the band had a keg party one evening, and I was so drunk from playing "Pass Out," I barely remember the ride to see the movie, "Fritz the Cat." Puking was common after these outings. Anyone identify with that? I remember feeling pretty sheepish about how blitzed I'd been several times, but it didn't stop me from doing it again! One evening, after downing some brewskis, I happened to meet up with a friend in the courtyard outside Carrick hall, my dorm. He asked me what was going on with me, and somehow the conversation turned to Jesus. I knew with my drinking and other activities I was doing that this Jesus guy would never like a person like me. This Christian friend was so goody-goody, too! How boring a life he must have, I remember thinking.

I somehow made it through college alive and was pleased to take a job as an Aerospace Engineer with NASA at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. The year was 1985, and NASA was really launching those shuttles. The work was great - getting to sit in the cockpit while we were working on getting a Space Shuttle ready for the next mission was totally awesome - and I had serious relationships going on. The thing is, one boyfriend was in Tennessee (the one who'd brought me the shirt from New Orleans), and one boyfriend was in Titusville with me. Neither knew of the other, or I sure tried to keep it that way. Each boyfriend reminded me of my Dad in some way - one had a beard and the other was in the Air Force - and I tried soooo very hard to keep the relationship going with both of them. That way, if I lost one, I still had the other. No way was I going to lose someone (like I had lost Dad) again!

Along came January 28, 1986. A zillion school kids were at the Space Center, excited to see a teacher go into space. I called my Grampa that morning, his 75th birthday, and encouraged him to watch the launch. And you know the story well. A major malfunction. Trails of hypergols following the pieces of Challenger down to the ocean. You and I watched it over and over and over again; people like you and me were killed before our very eyes. The tragedy of it all! How could this ever have happened??? The bottom fell out of my life as I dealt with guilt over being a part of their deaths. I mean, my group was responsible for the crew hatch maintenance, and a handle that needed to be removed from the hatch before launch could not be removed on January 27th, so they had to postpone the launch until the next day, which turned out to be much, much colder than the 27th.

So, I started dealing with lots and lots of grief. Actually, I didn't deal with it. I drank. A lot. Some friends of mine asked me over to watch the 1985 Sugar Bowl tape I'd made (Tennessee beat Miami 35-7 that year) and I remember being jubilant over such a great victory and excited to see myself on TV as ABC was still showing the bands during halftime back then. At the same time, I was sick as was everyone else at that party, because we were just starting to cope with our emotions over the Challenger accident. One of the people at the party was a Christian, and he and I became friends, then boyfriend/girlfriend later. (Once again, he reminded me of Dad). As I began asking the Whys of Challenger, my boyfriend (a Southern Baptist from Connecticut, of all things) began trying to answer the Whys of Life. I was pretty much at bottom emotionally - Challenger, and my Dad not speaking to me, still juggling dual boyfriends, drinking a lot while I was alone - and this boyfriend started answering my tough, logical, Engineer-that-I-was type questions about God and Jesus. My boyfriend's claim was that Jesus was the Only Way up to God. It was at the bottom that I had nowhere to go but up.

For a whole year, 1986-1987, I wrestled on and off with this God and Jesus stuff. I could not imagine how someone who walked on the Earth so long ago could have any kind of say or control or direct impact on my life. I was skeptical of any father-figure kind of God image, since I didn't really know anything but abandonment in that area. I mean, if my own earthly father would abandon his only child, then what would an all powerful Heavenly Father do to me? I still believed in God, but I thought He was some distant Being off making new supernovas, and I really wanted Him to just leave me alone!

But He did not leave me alone. As I made a goal to help NASA get back in the air after the Challenger accident, I also set out to get myself out of my own ashes. My zeal to be a part of Discovery's launch - the first after Challenger - was matched by my zeal to do some research into myself. I discovered that I wasn't a murderer after all; that Challenger would have happened eventually because of the inadequate design of the booster rocket field joint (and o-rings), and that the Heavenly Father *did* want to be a part of my puny life. How did I know that? He told me through the Bible. As I was studying about myself and God, I figured one way to find out more was through what was supposed to be His Word. A key point came sometime around March, 1987, my boyfriend told me that it was good that I was petitioning God directly with questions that arose as I read the Bible, but that God would not hear my prayers because John 9:31 says, "Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth." I also needed to petition Jesus directly (for John 14:6 says, "...I [Jesus] am the Way and the Truth and the Life; no one comes to the Father except through Me.") WHAT!??! How absurd! How haughty! The Almighty would not hear me because I had not confessed with my mouth that Jesus is Lord? Harrumph! Well, that's ridiculous. I was hurt.

"OK," I thought on April Fool's Day, 1987. "If God won't hear me because I have not trusted in Christ, then I'll just do it. I'll pray the sinner's prayer, and see what happens. What do I have to lose? If God and Jesus are Who They say They are, then I'll get some answers to my questions!" As I was driving into work, just past the North Gate coming into the Kennedy Space Center, I flashed my badge at the guard and started praying. I was sincere, as I was truly seeking answers from God. I recognized I was a sinner (I certainly knew I'd gotten drunk a lot and engaged in sex before marriage, so those were two pretty serious sins even in my own book, much less His), and I asked Jesus into my heart, right there in my 1986 Toyota Celica GT toodling along at 50 mph. No lightning, no trumpets, no feelings except curiosity and a sort of relief that I'd at least made *some* decision, right or wrong.

So, I basically backed into the Christian faith. I did it out of "Why not?" And you know what?? It took! I found out later that John 6:44-45 says, "No one can come to Christ unless the Father who sent Him draws him. It is written in the prophets, 'AND THEY SHALL ALL BE TAUGHT OF GOD.' Everyone who has heard and learned from the Father, comes to Me." and therefore it was really His Work to draw me unto Him and teach me, not mine. It's been many years now since I trusted Christ, and although I was not instantly cleansed of my bad habits, my journey for answers has brought me to be such a different person that some of my UT "Pride of the Southland" band buddies probably don't recognize me when I go back to play in the Over the Hill Alumni band at Homecoming.

I have discovered that the Lord God of the Universe, the same that makes supernovas, loves me. Little ol' stinking me. He actually loves us all, including you. I was so down that I couldn't imagine that He could love someone like me, but I can say unequivocally that He can! He does! He changed me and gave me hope and healing. I've since forgiven my earthly father and come out under the alcohol veil. If you struggle with life, with alcohol, with abandonment, with guilt and shame, you can also be free. But it takes an attitude of repentance on your part before Jesus will do His part. Jesus stands at the door and knocks, but He will not force His way into your life until He draws you and you realize your need for Him.

All you have to do to invite Him in is say something like this: "Jesus, I realize I've messed up badly! I am a sinner, in need of your cleansing. Would you please come into my heart and walk and talk with me every remaining day of my life? Thank you that you died and rose again for me and that you love me. I love you, too. Amen."

After praying that prayer, or something like it with a sincere heart, you can get on with life and life abundant. It might not be instantly better, as in my case, but then again, it might be. Be sure to tell someone about your new found Friend, Jesus, the Christ, Y'shua the Messiah. And find a local church that adheres to the historical Christian faith and follows historical Christian doctrine, so you can serve and worship and fellowship with others.

I have found over the years in my walk with Christ how important it is to realize that "I am crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God Who loved me and gave Himself for me." (Galatians 2:20) Thanks in many ways for this realization is the teachings of Pastor Phil Jones at First Baptist Church of Powell, TN. The emphasis taught by Pastor Phil is that we as believers were created to put His Glory on display, and that Jesus Christ exchanged His life for our life and when God the Father looks upon believers, He sees Christ's righteousness instead of our puny excuse for "righteousness". We can stand before a Holy God not because of anything that we've done (except put our trust in Christ alone), but because of what Christ Jesus has done for us!

If you are already a Christian, I invite you to examine your heart and make sure you have personally and privately asked Jesus into your heart and to walk with you. If you went down the church aisle at 7 or 8 or 10 or 12 or 15 years old, accepting the altar call with your buddies, then I envy you for being in church that young! But I also ask you - even if you thought you knew what you were doing then, or even if you were just going to be with your friends - have you since then truly asked Him to be your Savior?

My heart is heavy for the many churchgoers who will be greeted by the Lord on Judgement Day with, "And then I will declare to them, I never knew you; depart from Me..." (Matthew 7:23) I don't say that to be mean-spirited, but I am convinced that there are many folks sitting in the pews on Sunday that have been deceived by Satan into thinking they are saved and going to Heaven just because they prayed a prayer sometime in the past.

Here are a few tests I've learned at church from the Bible that can help you know whether or not you're really going to Heaven when you die (and that you are really saved):

1. A true Christian cannot ignore sin (1 John 1:6-10)

"If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us". (NKJV)


2. A true Christian obeys Christ's commands (1 John 2:3-5)

"Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him".(NKJV)


3. A true Christian does not love the world (1 John 2:15)

"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." (NKJV)


4. A true Christian continues faithful in fellowship (1 John 2:19)

"They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us; but they went out that they might be made manifest, that none of them were of us. " (NKJV)


5. A true Christian cannon continue in hatred (1 John 3:14, 15)

"We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death. Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."(NKJV)

In Christ Jesus, the Healer and Restorer,

Julie Choate Moore, originally written 4/11/98, updated many times since
Copyright © 1997-2008, Julie Choate Moore. All Rights Reserved.